I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
