Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.