He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
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Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
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How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever