he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*