Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!