Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
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The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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