Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.