i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
