i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
