They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
