and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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