Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
