glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
