did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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