my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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