hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
