U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just had sex on a roof
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
