There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Two words: blizzard sex
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
