I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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