I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
