I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
