How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
