Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
