no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
