Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
