My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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