i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
