In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
