new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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