Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize