also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
