his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
