ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
