Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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