I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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