Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
