I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
