All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
and you fell through a lawn chair
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
