Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
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You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
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I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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