the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
