STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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