I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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