Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
