Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
