Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
