Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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