you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
