on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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