This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i need some magic done to my vagina
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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