i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
