1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
