i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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