Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
