So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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