I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize