Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
