margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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