You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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