Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
