surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
