haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
