i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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