I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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