just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
