Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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