These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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