the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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