Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
