you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
