Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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