i would punch a child for taco bell
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
